500daysofeffyou:

SpongeBob, where’s my order?

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Did you look under the tray?

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Oh. No I didn’t, sorry.

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(via erya)

turkey-imported-from-maine:

firelorcl:

meladoodle:

i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

(via the-bitch-that-plays-left-bench)

egg-rolls:

when u stand up 2 fast n suddenly ur floatin thru space n time

(via hate)

nostalgiabyveidt:

onlinewifey:

smack that ass from 8 feet away

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more like smack myself in the eye and cry for a few hours

(via neverending-me)

lana-michelle:

it’s kinda funny how when you get older you start to enjoy the things you hated as a kid like taking naps and getting spanked

(via fake-mermaid)

catchersintherye:

my ex is still logged into twitter on my phone
i could be cliche and tweet ‘I’m a DOUCHEEE lol’

no


instead

every few days i will tweet something he would totally say

but he will never remember tweeting it

slowly the slightly out of place tweets will drive him insane


victory

(via fake-mermaid)